Spencerhead: With respect, what I'm hearing is that you desperately want a drink. That's completely normal for an alcoholic. So you focus on all the contradictions, all the faults in the program, and the program isn't perfect- that's for sure. But if you stick with it, or with some other program which involves people so that you're not just isolating yourself and assuming that you can do it all alone, then there's a good chance that it's going to work for you. A good chance. Not a certainty, since a big bunch of folks don't recover from this. Maybe it helps if you try to focus on the likelihood that when you feel all angry and resentful inside and focus on all the negative stuff, it is likely that this originates deep inside your brain where there is a primitive place which desperately wants you to pick up a drink. And that's because your whole body changed its chemistry and metabolism around to accommodate the alcohol that was going into it.
You say you've been sober for eleven months. That's real progress! Congratulations! Now, if your brain is saying "Yeah and maybe it's just a dry drunk and I'm going to pick up again" can you say, "There it goes again! I'm just not going to listen to this stuff. I'm going to keep on doing what I'm doing one day at a time".
W.