Lizatola - I am typing this because I have a 41 year old son who I think is a terrific person, SOBER. I can't remember that now... After living my life with alcoholism (not me, but son, dad, brother, bil, sil)... I feel we are worth more and should do more for ourselves. We can't wait on them to be sober because they will manipulate us until we are not seeing straight. I just don't know why my mom went to Alanon to 'learn to live with an alcoholic'. Wait, I will answer that question... She was born in 1927 and came from a generation 'once married, stayed married' and she also was not self-supporting for herself and three children. She certainly was intelligent and could have had a job that paid well. Dad had a way...he could talk her back into anything. He had his own business and wanted her at home to 'answer the phones'. Oh man... I did learn to say what I mean and mean what I say. I am a matter of fact-type person I guess. I am very sensitive, emtional, and always want everyone to have a good time and get a long. I think that is from growing up in an alcoholic family, dysfunctional. For anyone out there who can make a living on their own, support their children, don't stay attached. The spouse will figure it out eventually or stay an alcoholic/addict forever. I say that and my DIL can certainly make a living, and take care of my grandchildren. Why did she stay married to my son??? I don't know. He is a wonderful person and I do think she enjoyed him. She likes to drink, she brain washes him to believe he is worth nothing and he is not loved by us or his family, and is nasty...and with my son drinking; she had control of him. I know he is the alcoholic...but my mom was not like her so I can separate the two. Take care of yourself. I understand bottom won't come until the alcoholic is uncomfortable. Even with jail and rehab (4 months now)... I don't know that my son has been totally uncomfortable as he runs his business (which may be failing) from jail, from rehab. I was contributing/enabling. I am done. I hope... I hope to be strong. Hard for a mom...because they are our son. If it was my husband... I could be much stronger!