I think that sometimes, having these old underlying issues, when people would tell me early on that "I deserved better" I just didn't believe them.
Because of my past and my own imperfections and weaknesses I felt/feel like "damaged goods". That I had to make the "bargain".
What I am slowly coming to accept is that my past can become my history rather than my path-ology. I don't need to continue on a painful path for retribution. As a recovering co-dependent/alcoholic/adult child I need to focus my faith and hope in the belief that I will continue to feel love in my life. Discovering a deeper love for myself is the greatest gift of recovery from this codependent ride.
I still don't know that I "deserve better" and I am leagues away from believing that I "deserve excellence" but I do know, have fully come to believe that I do NOT deserve manipulation and lies and blame...and that is what comes with the addict.
I guess that is progress, and well...sometimes in recovery we trudge on the road toward happy destiny. And maybe I have to give up my attraction to the attractive, charming, charismatic bad boys...and give up the idea that I have to accept unfavorable dangerous conditions to counter balance my own defects...those conditions were the pathology of my past, which I now am trying to humbly accept as my history and stop repeating it.