Wow, great advice so far.
Liz, do what works for you. But also know that those of us here who are asking you why bother?! have been down this road before. I hope in your case something good comes out of it, even if its only an increased sense of self confidence and less fear on your part.
I have to agree with Alucard in his post above that a lot of what you are expecting is normal, grown up behavior from a husband and father. Yet you are dealing with an alcoholic, and that makes it all different. Alcoholics don't make good relationship material...as partners or parents. It is a very selfish disease. To you (and us) your needs, feelings, and expectations make perfect sense. I hope you can also find some validation in that, too.