Originally Posted by
Lost3000 
DT: We are already there. He's said to me a couple of times now, during one of our arguments, that I may have quit drinking, but I haven't changed any of my habits. I get what he's saying, that I still have the same problems, reactions, etc., I'm just not drinking. It's true.
But what drives me crazy is how I have changed!! When he says that I think, but, but, don't you see???? I think soooo much more clearly now, I'm thoughtful now, I'm not quite as selfish, I care more now, I'm not just into getting my drink on and screw everything else!! Before, during our arguments, I would've turned into this raging monster, screaming and yelling, threatening to off myself, leave, divorce, and acting f-ing nutso.
But he doesn't see..... agh!!!!!!!! And this is at the heart of my issue, resentment, frustration with my husband.
I doubt he is completely blind to your changes, imo, if he can see that
somethings have not changed, as you too agree yourself. Things said in an argument often have words like... "never" "ever" "nothing" "always" "don't" "can't" "you" "I" etc etc
These words in an argument are used to emphasis the talker's position, and do not always desribe honestly what would be ideally said in a calm and introspective sharing within a mutally respective conversation. They can be very hurtful to the listener, of course...
Why not just calmly ask him if he notices whatever real changes you have made? Do so with an open mind, and be ready to see what changes your hubby as well has both made and not made in his life and marriage too.
