Learn2Live

I completely understand feeling like you can't do anything right, even though he does not use these exact words. I always felt like whatever I did was not good enough and that I would be judged because I did not keep everything perfect and picked up ALL the time. Nothing I did was ever ENOUGH. He always needed and wanted more from me. More time, more attention, more energy, more money, more work, more being responsible for more and more things.

Apparently he was dissatisfied with the "fact" that I was "never happy." I was happy with myself and my life. What I wasn't happy with was that someone came into my life, took it over, controlled everything, every moment of the day, every thought in my head, ignored everything I said I wanted for my life, our life, and our relationship, and manipulated everyone and everything for his own selfish purposes. While I was the one responsible for paying all the bills and all the expenses, even the vacations. How can a person be happy with another person who only takes, and ignores who you are? Who makes everyone else responsible for everything but mowing the lawn and moving plants around the yard?

It's hard to see someone for who they REALLY are when they are constantly faking it, being deceptive, and manipulating you. I know how you feel, feeling like an idiot. But you have to assign responsibility to the other person for the things that he did, and for not being honest. You have to find a way to acknowledge that you could not see what someone only showed you bits and pieces of. I know you know what I mean. Weren't there observations you were able to make about the true person every once in a while, that did not jive with what you had otherwise been lead to believe? That's how anyone gets to know anyone else. Slowly. For instance, AXBF always said how important his children were to him and how he wanted to raise them properly. But then, I would catch glimpses of him badgering his children, not teaching him what children need to be taught, lying to his children, and trying to be their friend instead of being a parent. It took several of these little glimpses to be able to see that the actions did not match his words.

It really does take a while to get to know someone. And even then you can never know someone completely, even when you live with them. People are capable of all sorts of lying and misdeeds. Unless you're with them 24/7, you cannot always know what they are doing.

Try to assign responsibility where it belongs.