Originally Posted by
rdlesstraveled 
I have the same interaction with my separated AH. They dictate the tempo of the day, conversation, etc...They deflect and always blame. Nothing is ever their fault or reasonable. Yes, you are being abused. I always was defending myself and I am not going to defend myself anymore
It feels like I can't do anything right (even though he isn't verbally saying this), his actions (or lack of) speak volumes.
He is using recovery as an excuse. Previously it was because he drank, then it was because he was getting separated (but needed to make sure his soon to be ex would become a citizen and it was the RIGHT thing to do), then it was because he drank or he had just gotten out of another relationship.
With him there is always a reason that I need to be patient with him. I have tried to reconnect with this guy may be 4 different times since 1999. Instead of viewing us as "meant to be," I should view this as OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA WORK IN THIS LIFETIME!!!!!
I feel stupid as I write this. I feel like a complete idiot. I believed my fantasy of who I thought he was and did not see him for who he truly is.......
NOT stupid at all!! I am sure you had the best intentions, and maybe he did too. But you are absolutely right about what you said in another post: love is supposed to be work, but not the kind that sucks the life out of you. If my job were as stressful as my relationship has been, I'd have quit a long time ago!
The tendency of the addict to think everything revolves around them...ugh. I am seeing it more and more every day with my ABF/XBF (I really don't know what we are). He tells me he needs me to encourage him, help lift him up when he doubts he can stop drinking. But if I express any doubt about if we will work (and I can honestly say that 98% of this doubt is caused by his constant crap), he makes me feel guilty.