I have the same interaction with my separated AH. They dictate the tempo of the day, conversation, etc...They deflect and always blame. Nothing is ever their fault or reasonable. Yes, you are being abused. I always was defending myself and I am not going to defend myself anymore
It feels like I can't do anything right (even though he isn't verbally saying this), his actions (or lack of) speak volumes.
He is using recovery as an excuse. Previously it was because he drank, then it was because he was getting separated (but needed to make sure his soon to be ex would become a citizen and it was the RIGHT thing to do), then it was because he drank or he had just gotten out of another relationship.
With him there is always a reason that I need to be patient with him. I have tried to reconnect with this guy may be 4 different times since 1999. Instead of viewing us as "meant to be," I should view this as OBVIOUSLY NOT GONNA WORK IN THIS LIFETIME!!!!!
I feel stupid as I write this. I feel like a complete idiot. I believed my fantasy of who I thought he was and did not see him for who he truly is.......