I have the same interaction with my separated AH. They dictate the tempo of the day, conversation, etc...They deflect and always blame. Nothing is ever their fault or reasonable. Yes, you are being abused. I always was defending myself and I am not going to defend myself anymore!
As for your stuff, that's the easy part. Police will help you if you need that extreme or just have a mutual friend/3rd party do it for you. The least interaction as possible, the better. Less chances of anything going wrong.
Don't lose yourself. You can do it. Your way of thinking is correct!