This is an unbelievable pattern it's hard for me to fathom I have yet to get off of it. What the hell does it take? me being committed?
Itsmylifenow,
When did you become aware of this pattern? If it has been recently, you need time to process this pattern. Me, I had a hard time taking responsibility for my part.
I had to become aware I had a problem, my stomach felt like someone stuck a fork in me and started twisting, like spaghetti, and left a hard knot.
And this was just anticipating seeing him or having to deal with him at all.
I finally figured it was all on me, if I was the one worrying myself about what might happen.
After becoming aware, and accepting that I was the one making myself sick, I let go of it right there. He was an alcoholic, doing what alcoholics do. I knew that, I was one too. (hehehehe, does that rhyme?)
My action was to not engage at all, I would change the subject to anything other than our marriage. He threw out some bait, in the same breath as hello, and I said, this weather is great isn't it? His mouth hung open, he closed it. Then he said, it sure is, I want to take the kids to the lake with my brother (E). I said, great they would love that.
End of conversation. It was not perfect everytime, but wow, it got so much better.
awareness, acceptance, action. good stuff.
Beth