You need to start taking care of you. You can not take the weight of the world on.your kids are all adults. There are legitimate times to help and legitimate times to let go. You sound very stressed in your posts. I have a suggestion, why not take a week off from talking to any of them. Do stuff you like to do, relax, whatever. At the end of the week see how you feel. I went a week no contact with AH when everything came to a head because I was trying to figure out what to do with his constant guilt. After a week I felt clearer and stronger and my anxiety was very reduced. Right now he can only contact me by email and it is so much better, though I wish I didn't have to keep any communication lines open because he finds ways to get to me even that way