Some times I get mad and think, they are grown, leave me alone!
That anger is understandable. They are adults and they have the opportunity to develop other resources......and it's ok to encourage them to do so.....including your addicted son.
Your other children are probably right......I know I ignored many of the healthy people in my life for a very long time as I allowed my addicted son to suck the very life out of me.
You can't change or control them. But you can change and control yourself and it sounds like you are taking steps to do so. And that's ok.
You are not alone.
gentle hugs
ke