Why do I focus on the negatives?
Been to an AA meeting tonight. The main share was extremely moving and powerful. Someone who had completely turned her life around. She was inspirational. I had a good chat with my sponsor afterwards and am meeting her 1:1 next week to work through some issues. I've had a really relaxing day and was chilled out.
However, one of the guys in the meeting shared that he had relapsed during the weekend. He was the guy who greeted me on my very first meeting ever. He was just so lovely to me that night, told me the best meetings to go to, and he was thrilled with his new life. He sat tonight with his head in his hands, barely registering anyone. As I drove home I was filled with his despair, it seemed to really hit home. What if that happens to me? I would never have the courage he did to sit back in his usual chair listening to others who were reaching milestones.
I feel so sad for him, and strangely vulnerable in my own ability to stay sober.
I do not want a drink, but I always seem to focus on the negatives in life. Why couldn't I take the many positives from tonight? Why do I feel such sadness for him?