I completely second what outonalimb posted. That was my life too. No talks ever did a lick of good... In fact, they kept me right smack dab in the middle of his business.
What worked for me was focusing on me and minding my own business. As for my XAH, I had to take my blinders off and start seeing him for who he is... Not what I hoped he could become. Both feet planted firmly in related and I got honest, almost brutality honest with MYSELF! I started admitting out loud that I wanted a divorce. I wanted to be done with the ********. Up until that point I was too shamed and scared to say those words. I was previously afraid that wanting that made me a bad person... I know now that's the furthest thing from the truth.
Im done. I'm done... I'M DONE!!!!!! I shouted it on top of my lungs... It felt good to u lock the door and set myself free. I unhitched from the sinking ship, so to speak, and swam to the surface. Life on top of the water isn't perfect but it sure beats drowning to death with an alcoholic around my neck.
Hmmmm.... Sorry if I got off topic... Guess I needed to get that off my chest this morning!!!! Hahaha! Hope something in there helps! My overall point was to tell you it's okay to feel and want whatever you want.
Thanks for letting me share,
Shannon