Your post reminded me of this quote from 'Co-Dependent No More'. Add addiction and it really knocks the wheels off the bus.
Two codependants in a relationship can really play havock with each other. Consider two people-pleasers in a relationship with each other. No consider two people-pleasers in a relationship with each other when they both want out of the relationship. They will, as Earnie Larsen says, do horrible things. They'll nearly destroy each other and themselves before one will stop rescuing and say, "I want out."
You have said very little about your wife (which is appropriate) but I get this vibe from your posting history. It was a vibe my xah and I shared as well and it was incredibly painful and often confusing. If I'm way off base, just disregard!
I hope you can gather some quiet moments to be able to sit with yourself and your thoughts. You have the tools you need to find your center and that is where you'll find your strength. You do not have to fix or address anything today. You can nurture and strengthen yourself, there is time. As always, focus on you and the next right thing will follow.