Of course you're not ready to die, duck. That was apparent from your first post. You sound one step closer to recovering. I worry about what's happening to you physically as you contemplate your next move. Please be careful.
As I said in my other response, I've been in the same situation - complete with employers calling to check on me. It seems like an annoyance when we're not ready to answer their questions. Yet it's an amazing blessing to have people care and want to give us a second chance.
Please keep posting duck - we care about you and want to help.