Sobroken,
Baby steps are fine. Go at your own pace. One day, enough will just be enough. I have been going through the cycle for years, except my XA always just made me feel like i was the crazy one and he did nothing wrong ever. You know, he 'just liked to drink beer'. Nothing wrong with that, every single stinking day, right?
I was mentally abused daily. The honeymoon phase was often very short lived, and I had his outside enablers helping him with that. Telling me what a wonderful guy I had in my home, what a great father he was, and that we needed to do the right thing and keep our 'happy, little family' together. Uh-huh right. For me, I just snapped on Thursday when he choked the air out of my lungs. Self preservation kicked in and the wheels started in motion. Knowing in my head, that I was going to get out, that I deserved more than this, by detaching (and I can't say it was exactly detaching with love) from him more and more, and just looking at his ACTIONS propelled me to freedom.
This process took me nearly 18 months. I kept setting move-out dates and pushing them forward. For me, all the little incidents added up, until the big one hit where he literally did something that could have killed me. And my son saw it. My son said, "Daddy choke mommy. Daddy drunk," days after the incident occurred without any provocation.
Best advice I could give, is to get out your raw emotions. Visit this forum and Al-Anon if you can. I need to start going to Al-Anon myself, went once, but I was bawling the whole time and it made me feel sick. I think I could be better served by the program now that I am away from the A monster. And remember, you get to do this at your own pace, as the realization dawns that you deserve better. Because, you do deserved better than to be in a one-way relationship with someone who cares more about the bottle than you.