I totally understand what you are saying. Even though my AH never chose recovery. I felt that his emotions and needs were always so much bigger than everyone else's. We always had good communication skills and when we went to counseling we were able to tell each other things in a safe environment- with a referee. The problem was that at that point he was so angry that he had a hard time saying anything without being mean and I think it made it so that he could not hear anything without getting defensive. Ironically sex was one of the few ways we could communicate and make each other feel good-well until he just couldn't anymore.
I wonder now if he were ever to seek recovery, what kind of interactions we would have.
Al Anon helps a great deal. I realized that he was incapable of being sensitive to my needs and yet I still expected that. I was so focused on him and willing to put my feelings and needs on hold- this only added to my resentment and anger. Al Anon has helped me express my wants in a non threatening way. It also helped me feel better about expressing my boundaries without feeling guilty.
He has changed for the better, now its your turn to change as well. Instead of talking about how his disease has impacted you how about talking about how you want to proceed.