Hi Untangleme, welcome.
I could have written your post. What I am realizing is that the issues my ex have go beyond Alcoholism. There is some personality disorder in play, NPD, BPD, either way, from your post it sounds to me like there is something else going on which may make it impossible for your partner to fill your needs. And let me just add, you deserve to have your basic human needs met, do not feel guilty for having them.
I too, always, went above and beyond and always ended up being a disappointment in someway. I could tell you stories, but I am sure you are quite familiar with anything I had to share.
It might be a good idea to seek counseling, maybe al anon would be helpful, but I will tell you this is a great place to read, get educated, post, get support and feel validated, most of the members here can relate to something you will post in the furture. I'm so glad you are here, I hope you stick around.
Much love to you Katie