Right now we have a list that we have put together kind of like a pro and cons list but a behavior and consequences list. I still don't feel it is our right to set up certain limits to him but I am starting to see it is our right to also set up certain limits.
Like the knife throwing and breaking dishes that is a limit. And something that I should not tolerate.
Medication stealing. Tonight he came in stumbling into our room after 4 am. Reeking and I heard the bathroom flush several times and the sounds of sickness. Feigning sleep I let him go through our bathroom and search for the pills and then realized this behavior is not ok on his part and mine. There's no reason I should feign sleep or allow him to search through our cabinets and drawers. And when he started yelling at me for the pills my fiancé took him to his room and I could hear them arguing and then he came back and apologized to me.
The radical mood swings and destruction of objects is not ok. I understand every one has ups and downs but slamming and breaking things looking for more alcohol and stumbling and breaking lamps chairs needs to be addressed. Not just replaced or fixed.
We need to charge him for rent so he has some fisical responsibility. And I think giving him more "chores" I use that term loosely as I refuse to live in a "pigstye" and house responsibility should be shared. I won't do his laundry Any more.
I'm starting to see that I am being his mom without giving him any consequences for his actions. Funny that I only realized that just typing this. We shouldn't have to turn our lives upside down or throw out our important medication, stop what we need to do for ourselves for that we can feel we have some control. I know I'm only taking some few steps here and that he needs to really see what he's doing to himself. I know it's up to him. But it's up to us what we are willing to do what we're willing to live with.
I know I need to come to many more realizations. I need to find real consequences I'm willing to dole out and stick to and boundaries that come with it. But tonight even after he came in yelling and screaming I was scared but I knew somewhere he needs this I need this we all need this to happen or nothing will change.