I had so many things thrown back in my face, I wanted to buy a goalie mask to protect myself. The things he would throw back in my face were confidences we had shared, it reminded me of a person surfing the 'Net, bookmarking web pages they found interesting, to be used for future reference. As Adventure said, they can't remember what happened yesterday, but can remember things that happened years ago. This was the case with the EX and I.
It got to the point that the EXABF, when drunk, would go through what I called the "laundry list" of complaints, ranging from the settlement I had to make to my ex husband as part of our divorce (he felt he was entitled to that money), to the fact that I took my ex-husband's name when we got married, I was too cheap, I spent too much money, I loved the dog more than him, I had too many books, I actually moved out to another province to be with him, that "my issues" caused him to drink, that I smoked, at one point, was a little too "chunky", that I was too loving, that I was not loving enough.....you get the idea.When he would cycle through these things, it would start all over again.
All of these things "caused him stress, and to drink". In the beginning, I would try to defend myself, blame myself and tried to justify things to him. When I tried to walk away, he would keep on worrying whatever the issue of the day was to death, like a dog with a bone.
Gradually, with the help of my Sponsor, a good counselor and reading SR posts, I learned what detachment was all about, and that I had a choice-to continue defending myself (falling on deaf ears) or, walk away, saying something like "I'm sorry you feel that way." The first time I tried that, the reaction was less than positive but, with each time doing this, understanding their behaviour, I began slowly to realize that all of his stuff was being projected on me, I was being used as a punching bag and that it was not my fault that this was happening.
It took a lot of time for me to get over this feeling of being at fault for all of "our" issues and realize that all of this related back to his drinking. All I kept referring to (and still do) is the 3 C's-I didn't cause it, I can't control it and I can't cure it.