Originally Posted by
empty1 
I always wonder whats wrong with me. I mave no idea why I take him back he steals from me. He steals from his kids. He carries guns and steals from other peoples homes. I havent taken him back yet this time and i am moving to an apartment. This is the only man I have ever loved and untill METH we were great I cant say what i feel im mad that he disapears for days to weeks at a time hurt that I am not ever enough scared because i think someone will kill him because of the life he now lives. Im confused because he has taken no clothing with him never does just disappears. Pissed we have kids and im left just holding the ball cant tell them whats going on and never will.When he calls its always in the middle of the night talking about how much he loves me and how he is ashamed and wants to blow his brains out. How sorry for hurting me again. I dont blame just him because you teach a person how to treat you and up untill he started hangin with my brother he treated me like a queen so I keep hoping that man comes back. I think its time for me to facethe fact that my husband is dead cuzz thats not my husband this thing who looks like him. I want to know from the addicts WTF makes you think that this is ok why trade in what should mean the most for a glass D#ck what joy is there in this all of his family thinks im great pretty smart respectful I just dont get it i spend my days hoping he goes to jail so at least i know he is alive and CLEAN.Im so mad hurt confused is this normal with all this i still love him
I hate to be so blunt but the man you love is most likely never coming back and you cannot live in an idea of what he was because you are always going to be disappointed from now on. You take him back because you are an enabler like I was. Some where inside I saw little rays of hope in my addict but it just was false hope. He will continue to steal from you, lie to you, hurt you and disappoint you and you have to make a decision. Leaving hurts but the hurt gets better, it is when you stay that the hurt never goes away. Enabling is a tough road to be on, there is no peace, no true love and no real resolution, I found it to be similar to a slow torture. You might love him but you need to love yourself and he cannot love you back in the way you need him to.