Originally Posted by
wicked 
L2L, I understand this, even though I had convinced myself I was better off without him. I was still ashamed that the effort I made was for nothing.
I do have the feeling sometimes that I will never get a partner who is willing to hang on when things get tough like I am. Not just the effort was enough, somehow I am not enough. I mean he chose drinking and crack over me and my kids. Even I know (as a drunk) it was not a choice he could make, he never made a good choice.
so, what does that make me?
It is very tiring and heartbreaking to feel misunderstood and alone.
I am lonely today. And I am sorry you are feeling this way today L2L.
I understand.
Beth
Thank you
Beth. I am so glad I have you. I don't think I have ever felt so ashamed in my life. And I just don't know why. His sister told me that I am now seeing the REAL him, that I never knew the real him. That all the things he told me in the beginning were simply him telling me what he thought I wanted to hear. I guess you call that manipulation. My heart is broken and I feel like I am never going to be able to repair it this time.