What I see is the big question I had:" What is powerlessness and what does it mean?"
It meant (for me) that I couldn't both control and enjoy drinking. I couldn't predict a whole heck of a lot about me, my actions, the circumstances I'd end up in, and definitely not what happened as a result. I had hit the point where being arrogant didn't help me or work. Neither did feeling sorry for myself, re-hashing the "why's" and "if only's" and "what if I had done ___ instead" stuff, too. My life revolved around planning to drink, drinking (even when it stopped being able to change how I felt), and the left-overs (hangovers, damage done physically and in friendships and relationships and work) from drinking.
The damage done was the unmanageability. My life was wonky before I drank and was miserable when I did. Nothing I did made it better.
When I first stopped, I saw how huge the impact was. My sponsor said I could continue to feel miserable, or I could work the steps and move away from feeling miserable.
Now that I've been sober for a while, I see how, when and where I still choose feeling miserable and fretting sometimes, and it still feels lousy and sucks. I also see how quickly things improve when I get my butt back in gear and live the steps.