Hi Lara,
I read your first thread here to get a sense of what you are going through. In a very real sense, it doesn't matter whether the drug is cocaine or alcohol...both are an addiction. But, more importantly, the 12 steps here in the F&F forum, are entirely for YOU, not the addict. The addict has their own recovery if they chose.
I will tell you this. I came here for the same reason you came here...because we both are hurting due to the actions of another. I did as someone suggested in your first thread to you about reading a lot of recommended books to help me learn about the addiction. The most important advice was to go to Al-Anon and by extension...work the 12 steps towards our recovery.
I did the 12 steps here at SR because I am a writer and writing (including journals) help me. I am so grateful for CatsPajamas posting the 12 steps here because they were a large part of my recovery. I read, wrote, listended, talked, cried, had a couple great friends here that helped me, and worked these 12 steps. Working them honestly forced me to look at ME, not the addict and they eventually changed ME so I am now able to cope with the fallout of my wife's addictions.
I hope you are able to work the steps, either here or with an Al-Anon sponsor, or both. I believe that SR and these steps pulled me out of the deep hole of despair I was in when I made my first post here. I know what you are going through and I know how you feel. I truly wish you well and please take care of YOU.