Hi Kim,
Welcome to SR. I'm Deg, nice to meet you. I was in a similar boat to you after drinking to excess for over 20 years. I'm back home now, and I've just got the children off to bed after us all as a family sitting down and playing scrabble. I've been sober nearly 16 months now, and I still can't believe that life can be this good! But it can. And it's still getting better.
There's no shame in admiting to yourself and others that you had a problem with drink and with the right help and support you'll soon be looking back at the problem like I do, and like a huge number of people do after they've quit.
When you think about quitting forever , you'll start imagining all sorts of problems. The truth is the truth though. There is no aspect of your life improved by alcohol. That pleasant buzz comes at a very heavy price for some of us.
Looking forward to having you about.
Hope the meeting gave you a good kickstart. If AA doesn't feel right for you, there are other groups, other ideas, other ways out there and lots of people here who have 'been there' who can help you get through this.
All the best
Deg.