Acceptance, admittance, ugh.. I haven't even completed step one yet. Only in due time, when I finally admit and accept. I do think I'm finally getting towards that first step (without books and steps because I'm a hard headed +person+). It has to be on my self absorbed terms, not gods. And I know thats a horrible thing to say but its the way my mind works.
Hopefully one day I get it but until then I'm not going to cry and whine about what I've done (ie. jail time, lost loved ones, etc.) because it's MY fault. I have control, if only I steer myself in the right direction.