Originally Posted by
transformyself 
The best news is that I no longer feel compelled to justify, argue, deny or explain anything to him.
Wonderful!
Hope you find a great place for yourself! Enjoy the peace.
I'm basically there with my separated AH. I don't feel as if I need to defend myself anymore, or if I catch myself I tell him, "I don't need to defend myself to you" and leave it at that. Kind of takes the wind out of his sails.
I see through the manipulative, passive-aggressive, self-pity BS. He has tried to get me to feel bad for him for what he's doing to get my name off joint loans, how much trouble it is for him, he's gotta a business to run, etc etc. I said "well we both have a lot to take care of during this process, so I'm not sure what you want from me." he didn't like that at all!
It's amazing to realize what a tense household I had been living in once AH moved out. Calmness and positive energy took over.