Originally Posted by
Hopeworks 
Welcome to SR. You will get a lot of support here and experience, strength and hope (ESP).
The spot you find yourself in is emotionally exhausting and bewildering but you are on the right path and in time you will find clarity and even some peace and serenity if you keep seeking it... when we come to understand the truth and reality of loving an alcoholic and begin to make decisions and create boundaries we find that change is not easy but is the truly loving thing to do for all concerned.
What you have heard from others is very true ... we cannot wish recovery on anyone as they must desire and seek it themselves. What we can do as loved ones is "raise the bottom" so to speak by learning how we can create healthy boundaries four ourselves and our loved ones.
Loving an alcoholic and coping with their addiction under the same roof is a huge challenge and alcoholism is progressive...it will get worse... usually much worse.
I have been there and what helped me were several things... alanon, counseling with an addictions specialist, this website and reading, reading, reading, reading... everything I could get my hands on regarding addiction and codependency.
Soak up information... knowledge is power and when you start seeing the "whole picture" you will be in a better place to make decisions about how to deal with your alcoholic loved one.
I made the decision to leave...it is not the decision everyone makes and I have great respect for that, and for those who choose to stay and deal with the alcoholism. But I left for several reasons. Here are a few...
1. My own sanity. At first, after not seeing her for over a dozen years, there was the novelty of being reunited, that was quickly over, replaced by this actual need she had for liquor, I saw her drinking habit for the first time at a wedding reception. She did NOT eat. She wanted to stop at a bar before the reception for a quick beer. Then at the wedding reception, she proceeded to drink roughly 6-7 beers (while I had one) she had no interest in the food, and wanted to leave the reception early??!!...she did not dance with me. She literally wanted to go to the liquor store after the reception. Another six pack consumed. This turned daily. I couldnt keep the little fridge in the room stocked fast enough, if there was a 12 pack, she would finish it, if there was an 18 pack, maybe 2 days. Soon she started to supplement that with "shots" of vodka. This all started to weigh on my mind heavily, when it was apparent that she was a hardcore alcoholic, and I had no idea initiallly. She would get inebriated NIGHTLY. This was a complete turn off to me, personally. I started to stress about about the drinking and our own future, and the relationship turned into one of stress, anxiety and worry. I would sweat profusley through the day and night, and joy quicky escaped from my life and mind, replaced by constant worry.
2. Her health. She didnt want to quit and would get enraged if anyone called her on her alcoholism...she seemed happiest when surrounded by other drunks and I am a very light "social" drinker, not a heavy daily drinker so that was nail one in the coffin of incompatibility. She was suffering from malnourishment, the abdominal swelling and pencil like limbs she had were testament. The muscles on her arms and legs were literally atrophied and she found it humorous. She had no use for exercise. She was not taking solid food. This to me was shocking. I had never witnessed that in any woman I was with. She would munch on an occasional taco, but I had seen her go days in a row with no solid food, only beer, vodka, gatorade in the morning and antacid pills. She had mentioned that her hair was falling out in clumps, and she was developing a small bald spot and that it worried her. She attributed this to stress. Her stomach was an absolute mess. She had ulcers and the daily 9+ beers and vodka couldnt be healthy for the lining of the stomach and esophogus. She had nausea and sour stomach each and every morning. The mornings began with tremors. It was all sad and stressful to witness. Her mental health took a hit as well. She was bitter/angry at the world, and easily aggravated by little things, and that got on my nerves fast. She didnt respect anyone but fellow drunks and junkies and that got on my nerves as well.
3. Her life was in shambles. She lost a home, was in the process of losing her car, and had lost her last job....she was homeless and unemployed when I "rescued" her. Destitute and penniless as well. Her resume was great except for the part of "Are you a convicted felon?" part of the applications, so getting a job was beyond difficult. Add to that her current legal status of 2 warrants out for her arrest in 2 different counties? This also all added to my stress levels.
Finally, I had enough, once she had pretty much decided that I was too "boring and lame and straight" for her, and sided with the drunks in her life, I cut her loose and talked to my attorney. I was sad at losing this person BUT on the other hand, my sanity is slowly returning, the stress and anxieties are a lot less now, and I hold out hope for a normal relationship with a normal woman someday. Her future looks to me, bleak at best. I am glad not to be a part of it.