GreenThumb

I was jaded at 20. Cynical, critical, etc.

I'm only just now realizing that I was not average or normal. There were good, logical reasons behind my disconnect from the world around me and the people in it. I was reacting normally to my circumstances.

I wondered why the kinds of people I wanted to socialize with, didn't want to socialize with me. I wondered why I didn't feel like anyone else.

I get it now. I know the reasons, and about 5-6 years ago started to really integrate my life experiences.

I bumbled around a bit, then built a wonderful life, in spite of it all. Out of gratitude for my wonderful adult life, hubby, and kids -- I'm deciding now I need to let go of alcohol. I wish I'd let it go a long, long time ago. Maybe I would have felt more connected and less controlling, more participating and less wishing.

Also, please know the age difference probably will seem bigger from your perspective than it feels for anyone who is older. Because we've been twenty. You have not yet been 35 or 40 or 50 ....

Maybe when you feel the grief, try to imagine what you might want to look back on when you are 30 or 40 or 50, then start building towards that vision of a future you. That is how I survived my growing up and young adult years. (I just forgot to leave alcohol out of my vision!)