My AH was in an intensive outpatient program working it as much as possible and in recovery for 9 months. As much I wanted to keep our marriage going, while we were both getting better...me making boundaries, getting stronger...he was getting weaker facing things from childhood, what he had done to me and our kids and it was overwhelming. Eventually our couples counselor said that we needed more individual recovery under our belt before we could work on the relationship. I too when he was in early recovery was told that he needed at least 1 year, etc..and I never understood why. As he gets better and starts facing his demons he will become more raw and sometimes take it out on you and sometimes go inward with those feelings. You have to just try to focus on your own recovery, on yourself.