Add to that I was an emotional nervous mess/wreck. I constantly had sweaty palms and would sweat profusley through the day and night, and just had a constant "nervous" uneasy feeling around her, and also, this strange surreal "sense" of some sort of impending doom. This had to be due to the constant drinking and the fact that I knew (instincts) that it just wasnt going to work out, regardless of my feelings for her. I was correct in the end, but in all reality, the person she was and is now, is not the person I dated all those years ago. She turned into a bitter, and paranoid angry alcoholic with major, major issues, who had no interest in quitting her alcohol, or even having a nice marriage, she was only interested in drinking to oblivion daily.