Thank you T. Yes all so familiar.
I feel like the only person who remembers I came home to a drunk every day from school and the only one who sees the wine on the side now. It's true she will delay it until I come back when she is babysitting but I am still so uncomfortable. I hate playing the 'it's all ok game' but feel totally strangled when I try and bring it up. I have spent so many years covering for her that to say directly 'do not do this' or 'if you do this I will leave' seems beyond me. Would it make any difference if I laid down my ground rules? They are pretty strict actually if I can get them out of my mouth. I don't drink at all. Or smoke. But I would be the ONLY person acknowledging it and I would be the 'difficult one' (everyone had a go at cleaning her up when I was younger - it never worked. The change to wine came only recently)
Anyway, my child is only 2. I turned down the job. It would have been great but these issues are making me too stressed. I know grandmothers have less influence than mothers and that my child would not be affected as I have been by her drinking and that my mother is 'better'. But I don't know if that is enough to protect my child. Even for only a few hours a week. And honestly if my mother stopped tomorrow .... I'm still mad about it. It would take a long time to trust her again.