Hello Softball, I am another Mom with a 22 year old AS. I think you are doing all the right things. I am no contact because our son is not willing to contact us. He has tons of bills and they keep coming, and we just got a warrant for an unpaid violation. I won't even bother responding to the bill collectors. If/when I resume a relationship with a sober JJ, then i can give him the information. We did "Return to sender" on the last batch of letters/bills.
On the note of going no contact, I agree with out to lunch. Don't go all the way unless she gives you a reason. As I have been reflecting the lat 62 days since my son went off the grid, one thing I am realizing is they actually do us a favor by leaving our home. When they leave, we no longer are exposed to their daily bad decisions and state of mind. They are adults, and they MUST learn that they are ultimately responsible for all choices they make (yes these bad choices).