Originally Posted by
Softball27 
We set boundaries in place to try to help her to stay clean but, by December she was back with the heroin addict boyfriend, so we took the phone and car back and kicked her out, of course felt terrible not knowing where she was and what she was doing.
So many of us have confused boundaries with attempts to control people. The difference can be found in the intent, protecting yourself from the chaos or attempting to help someone do what they do not want to do.
"We will not have someone in active addiction or early recovery living under our roof" is a boundary. " You will stop seeing the bf/using drugs/go to meetings or else" is an attempt to control. Such attempts don't work.
Do I cut all ties or do I keep the lines of communication open?
Your situation is very similar to my own, a few years ago. After 3 back to back rehab experiences, she relap[sed again. I never went no contact. I would occasionally buy her a sandwich and talk. Looking back, talk meant I tried to counsel/control her and she tried to manipulate me for money. We were quite a pair. Nothing I said or did made a difference.
She eventually cleaned up on her own. That her group of addicts and BF were either in prison or dead may have helped her to realize she had other alternatives.