As the grown daughter of an alcholic mother, it is only at this very old age of 53 that I can now fully recognise and admit to the problems and difficulties caused by my mother's illness. She kept it well hidden and held down a job for many years, paying off a mortgage, and to the outside world it all seemed so normal. As I started my own family, and moved away, it was only then that things fell apart.
She died of alcoholism some 5 years ago. Her illness was never discussed, and this was part of the huge dilema. Although I realised that I had issues resulting from her 'coldness', I couldn't put my finger on anything concrete.
Everything has to be perfect
I blame myself - unrelentlessly
I'm never good enough
Find it difficult to form relationships
.....the list goes on.
My marriage ended 3 years ago. I can't help but think that if I had sorted my issues out, I would now still be married. And happier.