I was abnormally attracted to the traits of my loved one that involved manipulation. I am sure he had used these traits prior and they had worked. We were like the north and south poles of a magnet....put me near his stuff and I would get sucked in.
I don't know if it was a "conscious" way to react on his part. I suspect not. A lot of my crazy behaviors were in place prior to meeting an A (childhood stuff)....my crazy behaviors just complimented his so well that it was "meant to be." That is what got the ball rolling.
When I started to change the getting sucked in changed too. I was in a quandary. Keep doing what I knew was the best for me, and have a relationship not work, or keep stuffing down my own needs for the sake of the relationship.
I often feel like that is what a lot of us here are trying to find the balance on.
It is a relief to realize that though I continue to struggle, I have given up some of the vulnerabilities. I know I am not naive like I once was. Living with an A certainly changes that.