Xmbi, welcome and there is support here online I am wandering do you have support (not talking about your family), a friend (preferably a sober one but a healthy one) you can talk to? Would you be willing to go to a 12 step meeting-you don't have to annouce it or anything like that but having support increases your chance at staying sober, if not you have to find a bottom you choose where you say enough is enough, if you say your already there and you think you can do it on your own draw the line. If this doean't work get help, there are counselor, addiction counselors that can help- there is AVRT, SMART,and other programs to try just make that little effort. I hope you find your way, I bet your family has a little idea that there is something a matter? If not you feel you have a problem-
If I didn't feel deep down that what I was doing was wrong, why would I feel the need to hide it?
Keep posting and keep your head up your worth it!!! God Bless!!!