Not doing well
Last night we went to my parent's house. I slept in my brother's room. Despite my mother's best efforts, it still smelled like him. I slept in the bed where he died. There were pictures of him everywhere, and I found an empty listerine bottle in his closet. My mother didn't know it had come to him drinking mouthwash.
It pretty much sucked.
So on the way back home, I ordered a glass of wine at dinner. My husband asked if it was a good idea, and the look I gave him didn't beg an answer. I drank three more when I got home.
I have some grieve issues to deal with. And obviously, my horrible attempts at dealing with it. The fact of the matter is, my twin died. We have the same disease, and he just assisted in making sure it ravaged his body very quickly. I have the power to stop it if I choose to.
I anticipate an awful day of anxiety and panic attacks when the pinot leaves my system tomorrow.
Oh wait, it is tomorrow. 1:08 eastern standard time.
Damnitall.