I hear you, sweetteewalls, and for myself I am sorry if what I wrote sounded like a criticism of you. It was not at all intended to be. It was a criticism of him.
You have made courageous decisions that have been really tough and very painful and you have stuck to them: you are still living separately from him and you are taking care of your children alone and holding a full-time job and all the while in terrible emotional pain. You have had to draw on strength of character and enormous inner resources to get through this. You deserve great respect from each person who meets you, here or in your personal life.
The disease is so cunning and we are quick here to watch out for any fragile spouse who is perhaps being manipulated by an active alcoholic toward his own selfish ends. Please don't give up on us if we do it in a clumsy way. We, too, have our own stories and challenges, and like you, we can also be manipulated and deceived by the addicts in our lives. We try here to help each other not be tricked. The disease is so powerful and we are at its mercy on our own. That is why we are in ongoing recovery. Every day I myself have to regroup emotionally and not get lost in a fog regarding my exrabf. I still feel great pain and times of confusion about the addict I love. I need help as much as anyone else. And I am here to offer help, too.
So please stick with us. We need your experience and want to support you with ours.