Welcome, Theresa. I did the same thing many times - until I finally convinced myself my old 'friend' was doing nothing to help me feel better. Every time I picked up it led to misery. I had lost all control and it was becoming dangerous. It took me a while, but I finally decided not touching it was the only way.
Glad to see you here with us - you can kick the stuff out of your life, Theresa. We want to help.