Seeing the Positives at 11 months
I celebrated 11 months of continuous sobriety on Saturday. I went to my favorite AA meeting, picked up my chip, and felt great.
So...what's changed over the last 11 months? I'll give an example. Yesterday was a busy day for my family. Teenage kids needing rides to/from summer jobs, work appts, and the like. As it turned out, my wife took my son to a marching band event during the dinner hour, while my other son hung out with his neighborhood friends. My daughter needed a ride home from work, which left a great and rare opportunity to take her to a one-on-one father daughter dinner out. I had a $10 gift card for Chili's in my pocket, and off we went. What a treat! We talked about her life, her job and her online business. My beautiful 15 yr old daughter has turned out to be quite a together person.
Flashback one year. None of this would have happened. The whole family's day and plans would have revolved around an overwraught mom's availabilty to be there for ALL 3 kids, while I drank away my troubles. I would have cracked the first beer around 3 or 4. I may have made a kid run while still sober enough to drive. But, after 6, I would have been too "relaxed" to help out in almost any way. I may have made dinner and cleaned up, but that would be all she wrote. If I had been forced to begrudgingly made the 7 o clock work pick up, it wouldn't have included the notion of taking my daughter out to dinner. Instead, I would have been praying I didn't get pulled over, and when I got home, another drink to relieve that "stress".
The $10 gift card? It made for a $15 dinner tab last night. Highly affordable. In the past, it would have been as many beers as it could justify. And, I wouldn't have felt I could have afforded dinner out. It's amazing how different money flows and feels today. It's not ideal, but soooo much better
This is the new normal. My wife and kids, and myself, are all now free to have lives. We are not tethered to a leash that is only as long as dad's drinking allows it to be. We are actually happy enough to joke and laugh, and even test our new limits, rather than live in fear, and walk on eggshells around each other. Eggshell moments are very rare now.
Before I picked my daughter up, I went to the pool to try to swim. The pool was full with swim lessons, so I didn't get to go. Did I get upset? No. I was disappointed, but I quickly adapted my use of time to do other errands that needed to be done in that area. That's where the dinner idea came from.
At eleven months, I don't spend my day's rueing the past, or fearing the future. I try to make the best of each moment. The past will always be, and the future will come, but today is the day to be cherished.
I hope this helps someone who might be wondering if sobriety is worth it. It is. It's not perfect, and I still have some tired, foggy, and stressful days, but so does everyone else. The difference is that I'm not doing those things that makes those conditions a perpetual state of existence. Those down days are a comparative rarity, and becoming more so with the passage of time.
Peace and well-being to those of you who are serious enough to give new, sober life a real run for the money!