thank you all for your replies, i'm feeling a bit better today, and have finally eaten something substantial for the first time in nearly 5 days without retching it up again. but i am going through really extreme mood swings and today i broke down in the supermarket carpark, thank goodness i had already bought my groceries and i could just get in the car and get home. i seem to have difficulties if the smallest things go wrong, like i jammed my finger in the microwave and just broke down, even though it didnt really hurt that much. and i went to put the fruit in the fruitbowl, and missed and the fruit fell out on the floor and i couldnt stop crying. i have to get it together for my children, i know, just as well the older ones are away at the moment with family on school holidays.
Then i have moments where i feel stronger because i am actually following through on getting myself out of the abuse, instead of taking the (un)easy option and staying in the situation. i am relieved of the peace in the house without him here.
it does help to know others care.