My wife is still drinking and she is a functional alcoholic. (All that means to me is behaved law abiding, and nice disposition) However once she got over that I am really sober for good, and never smoking again to boot, she settled back down to a decent relationship.
I drank Scotch when I was drinking but just as a palate cleanser from drinking too much beer all day and then a few semi-sweet chillable red boxed wines. She drinks scotch. Still smokes.
When I drank and smoked I detested busybodies who tried to reform me. I honestly don't care if she drinks. That is as much her business and not mine as my drinking and smoking were when I drank and smoked. I treat her exactly as I expected to be treated. She drinks after 5 at home and that is it. She is an alcoholic, we both admitted that before I quit to each other. She smokes too but outside or under the Exhaust hood with the fan going.
With alcohol that can change in the blink of an eye, but will progress eventually. I can't control another only take care of me.
Even when I was newly sober there was a half gallon of Scotch and a carton or two of smokes in the house. There still are. It is both cheaper that way and saves on fuel as we own our place with a few acres and it is a 20 mile round trip to town.
If anybody reads my early posts here I did not care and was never tempted by the alcohol being "so near" as many put it, and the smokes. In fact I am here alone a lot when she is at work. (I am retired, she doesn't have to work, but wants to part time) In the evenings at first she asked if I wanted her to go out on the porch , but I told her no, just do as we always did, it is your house too.
I have no problem being around drinkers but I tire of it after a few minutes, twenty at most, because they are mindless but jolly, and some not so jolly later.
Here is the deal. I have a problem with the substance, not another. Yes I can now spot the ones with serious problems but keep my own counsel because there but for the grace of God go I. I can get it because it is legal with a ten minute drive one way. I pass by liquor stores on my way to town and grocery stores all of which carry my favorite brand of beer. What is the difference in being three feet away or three miles? If I am going to drink or smoke I damn well am going to, no other is going to stop me. Only I can. I don't want to anymore or ever again and that will never change. I have drunk my fill, and enjoyed it for the most part, until I didn't.
I can't complain about the cost because I drank and smoked three times as much as she does. I don't feel any issue with her drinking in front of me because I don't drink. (As silly as this sounds I don't crave what I don't want) She does have to go outside to smoke or stand under the exhaust hood in the kitchen. It isn't any second hand smoke crap excuse, (and feigned coughing as many smoking nazis tried on me in the past) because I smoked three packs a day for several decades and at least one pack a day from age 12 in 1964. It is because she had been on me to smoke only outside and since I quit we have cleaned up and painted everything that had tar all over it including replacing the Computers and TVs in the last two years. So while it does not bother me she doesn't want it gooping up the interior again. I also don't like it in a car. So she has her car I never drive and she cannot smoke in mine. If we go together she can wait 20 minutes or so to smoke outside. I don't really mind the smell or even the smoke, and after smoking first hand smoke myself for more than 48 years I can hardly lay claim to harm from second hand smoke now!
Some couples can't make adjustments or are trying to control each other. Control and manipulations (codie) behaviors are hard for us alcoholics to put aside. Some can't and so can't stay in the relationship.
It is a fact that it is a drinking world. That alcohol is legal, and when we were normal drinkers that was good. I haven't got time or the inclination to throw myself a pity party over my situation of not drinking alcohol ever again. It is really no big deal at all anymore. I am not and never was a bar person, and it has been years since we were party animals. She has her drinks in the evenings I chose not to ever again for me.
Take care of yourself.
