I have given up on making friends. And before you start writing about how I should join groups, etc., etc., etc. I have been doing so for close to a year now. Everyone is too busy to make friends and, since I'm older, most already made their friends more than 10yrs ago. I actually have to leave town to have social outings. Most of the time I utilize my students if I want to do something pleasant for myself. This last time, I actually tried to join a writing group, but was rejected by it.
Somehow, even though I have lived in Prague, Paris and Berlin, even though I speak three languages and have made friends in each of these places, I can't seem to break into this society. It's like they all have this insider speak going on and I am so clearly on the outside of it.
To be honest, I stopped worrying about making friends and decided to try dating. Five dates, each more terrible than the last. Tonight, a guy arrogant beyond belief and just plain WRONG! He would say something authoritatively and then I would lightly and jokingly correct him and he acted like
I was the arrogant one! Should I just have shut up?
And why do I keep meeting these people who have no ideas of their own, nothing they're working for, nothing they're passionate about? There's just something dull in their brains, these older doughy men who aren't particularly witty, funny or original.
Even though I am short and could stand to lose 5-10 lbs, I am not ugly and I try to dress as fashionably as my budget permits, so... I really don't think I'm better than anyone. In my 20s, I met interesting people left and right. Either I am a lot uglier than I think or I am a lot more arrogant than I think, but honestly! What am I supposed to do if I think the person is boring? Or if they spout incorrect information and want to act as if they can't say a wrong word. I tell them about my not having been around for awhile and they seem to look down on me for it, like they know more about the city and I'm just a newbie wannabe who doesn't understand.
I don't care about whatever perceived notions they have about the mystique of the city. There are tons of cities out there and the only thing that makes ANY of them tolerable is friends and family.
I have neither here.
