Ok, I get it-- It scares me, Onlythetruth, that you said that it is more painful to love the addict than to be one. But it is what it is. I guess
I understand the 'Normie" thing now. I am terrified to think that my BF could be in the "Normie" category- putting up with my BS. I really hope he is not as sick as I am(that seems to be the consensus about people who love people with drinking and/or drug problems). I am not sure about that though, because he seems happy enough. He did pour out my beer from time to time, and was unfortunate to wake up with a few bruises and had some long nights.
I am glad that he stuck with me, I think it motivates me to do better.
Anyhow,
I am trying to own what I did, but I also appreciate what SitllSleeping said : " Don't take it personally. Only you know who you've let down, just like you're the only person who knows how many people you've helped, and made feel good about themselves, how many times you've stood by a friend who needed you, or put yourself in danger for someone else."
That helped me so much, because I know who I let down, but I know that I also helped people- and I had a lot of good in me, and did a lot of good things for the people in my life. I know I have a big heart.
But-
I think it is best- as advised, that I stay out of those forums.
Thanks guys for your posts. I really appreciate it a lot