I'm frightened and overwhelmed. I don't know what to do with myself. I'm losing my grasp on my career and what I've worked so hard for. This week has been Hell being back at work. My boss is treating me like a child. He's watching me like a hawk and having me stick to a strick schedual and then jumping me everytime I vear from it even if accidentally. I'm use to having near-full control over my work days. It's a low paying profession, but the flexible schedule and the enjoyment I get from my work has been worth it. By now that's all changed. the last 2 days he's called me in his office 4-5 times a day to jump onto me. The last one was tonight. He told me I couldn't work today because I had been crying after he jumped me this morning as soon as I got there this morning. I had my first phychiatrists apt. today and after that he told me to go home. I asked if I could stay to finish up some last minute contest entries that are already 3 weeks late and he said yes.
I ended up going to dinner with the girls and then got right to work on the entries. He came back to the office (he lives there) and jumped all over me for still being there. This doesn't make since. He's looking for a way to fire me. And the parent company we all work for is a large one and with all the crap he's putting in my record - I will never be able to transfer to another paper.
Everyone at work (my friends) keep giving me advice that THEY think will help. I'm so tired of all the advice. They just don't understand and I can't verbally explain it all well enough to them.
My biggest problem is getting up and to work by 10 a.m. - even with on a full 8 hours of sleep. I've been a night owl as long as I can remember and my body just doesn't function that early. Before going into the hospital and telling them all what my diagnosis was - I was always working an evening shift (starting at 1p.m. or 2 p.m. - with only an occational early assignment here and there). Now all the sudden, my boss wants me in the office from 10 a.m. to 7 p.m. On day 2, I was sleepy and signed out to go on a coffee run (which was what I wanted instead of lunch) and he freaked out that I had left the office without telling him. And I knew he would, but he had someone in his office so I told the girls where I was going and (like I said) I signed out. As reporters and photogs - we come and go all day every day and that's a normal thing. Plus, everyone gets a lunch break, but he was acting like I wasn't allowed to have one.
Another problem is that when I came back on Monday, he and I agreed I would start out with a light and stressless load that consisted of doing news-clerk work (since we have yet to re-fill that position) and my regular photog work - and that I wouldn't do any reporting/writing for a while. I agreed that the writing was the most stressful part of my job and by me doing all the typing needed then the other reporters would have more time to do their actual jobs. Everyone liked this too. But yet on the first day he gave me a story assignment on top of all the typing. Then on the third day he gave me another story assignment. I have also been going throught the more that 100 e-mails each day received to the news-room and dissiminating them to the appropriate reporter or editor or by me simply putting the information/press releases into the system and cleaning them up for print. AND I was scanning the photos to go with all the press releases and wedding/engagement/anniversary/birth announcements. THEN another editor told me that I was going to lay out a weekly section front. I've only done lay-out once and I don't know enought about Quark. When I told the other reporters and my top two editors, they hadn't known that she was telling me this. The reporters (one of which use to lay out her own pages and the other who has been having to fill in by doing wire pages) said they would feel uncomfortable doing this weekly cover page!
So before I went into the hospital for a mental illness, I had two job titles (reporter/photographer). Upon returning to work from medical leave and during the first week back....I am being asked to carry 4 job titles - reporter, photographer, editor and news-clerk!
SO MUCH FOR EASING ME BACK INTO THE WORK FLOW!!!
This is why I think they are trying to find a way to fire me. Because, upon returning back to work I have to be able to work at 100 percent capacity (which is completely subjective in this field and especially at this paper!) so by making all these changes and mandating different things to me so I never know which way I'm headed and then getting btchd out for it....well, I don't think anyone could handle it!
I was so nieve to think that I would be treated the same when I came back to work. Some of my closest friends/co-workers are, but for the most part I am being treated very differently and I'm becoming very irritated at my boss and the whole situation. He even told me that if I got the flu and had to call in sick for one day that I would be written up for it!!!! I'VE ONLY CALLED IN SICK 2 TIMES IN THE LAST NEARLY 3 YEARS I'VE BEEN THERE AND THIS IS HOW I GET TREATED!
I'M MAD. SO MAD THAT I BET NONE OF THIS MAKES SINCE. I JUST HAD TO GET IT ALL OUT AND WRITTEN SO THAT I CAN LET SOME OF THIS ANGER GO FOR TONIGHT. AND THEN TOMORROW I'M GOING TO STARTING LEARNING ABOUT THE RIGHTS AND LAWS GOVERNING PEOPLE WITH DISABILITIES IN THE WORKPLACE!
I MEAN COME ON, I'VE WON MORE THAN 20 AWARDS IN THE LAST TWO YEARS FOR THE WRITTING AND PHOTOGRAPHY I'VE DONE AT THIS PAPER AND THEY ACT LIKE I CAN'T EVEN HANDLE TYPING IN PRESS RELEASES AND SCHOOL MENUS UNLESS I'M BEING WATCHED OVER!
I MUST GO FOR NOW BEFORE I THROW THIS KEYBOARD INTO THE WALL OR SOMETHING STUPID. I WILL TRY TO WRITE MORE LATTER WHEN I AM CALMER.
THANKS FOR LISTENING AND FOR ME JUST HAVING A PLACE TO VENT.
GOD BLESS ME (PLEASE),
JENNA