Originally Posted by
Lara 
Dear all...I have recently joined SR (and blown away by the support of 'strangers' and the wisdom and willing to share). I joined when my darling love, best friend of 10 years, and who I have been in a serious relationship for the last 7 years - who we have spoken about a future and marriage... who became addicted to cocaine in 2007 - spent 4 months in rehab a year ago - and now has been in recover for a year.... who out of the blue almost 2 weeks ago told me 'I need to pull back, otherwise I won't make it' (H was referring to recover and the possibility of relapsing) - I only know this because he spoke to my sister (whom he is also very close to) - He suddenly one night didn't arrive to take me out to dinner (a first in 10 years) - I called and called but no reply. As the days went by with absolutely no response or phone call (he was still keeping in touch with my sister) - I bumped into him and I asked him to please explain what the matter is...he just started to scream at me "Don't push me - I will tell you when I am ready". I stupidly asked him again and with that he screamed "Get the hell out of my life"!
He called my sister in the morning to say to her that his feelings for me have not changed, that he loves me, but that he needs to focus solely on himself as he wont make it......I find this so frightening, as I am the one who has been his daily support - through rehab etc etc....it is so hard to not contact him (but I have to respect his wishes - and I have listened to everyones advise on SR).....the sad part for me, is reading peoples comments, is that there seems there is never really hope for a loving, long term relationship with an addict.....can it really never work? We have been friends and loves for so many years...must I really walk away?? I am privately heartbroken!!!!
Lara...
There's no easy answer to your question. But, allow me to provide an example.
I met an older guy in Al Anon late last year. His wife for the longest time was a flown blown alcoholic, and during that time he had to take care of everything. Well, she finally decides to clean up her act. She starts changing, maturing, starts becoming assertive in a good way. And he didn't really know what to do with that. So he started going to Al Anon and recognized all the codependent, controlling behaviors he had developed. He started working his program, and in parallel, she was working hers. And now their marriage is solid. When I heard his story, it gave me hope for my own situation with the addict in my life.
Alas, it wasn't to be (my AXGF has Borderline Personality Disorder) and I've since moved on, happily single and concentrating on the things I need to be doing. I don't see myself getting involved with someone for a long, long time.
I guess what I'm saying is if your BF needs a break, he needs a break, and you have to respect that. Give him his space. Focus on yourself and the things you need to be doing in order to be healthy. And, yes, it's a scary thing, letting go. You've invested a lot in him and the relationship. But I would look at this as an opportunity to invest in yourself. To get stronger. To look at yourself and your behaviors or patterns and see what makes you tick.
This doesn't mean stop caring about him. What it does mean is if you love him as much as you say you do, allow him the dignity and the freedom to work on himself. And whatever happens happens. Either way, whether you realize it or not, you're going to be OK.
Trust me on this.
ZoSo