(((((Jennirey)))))
Welcome to SR. You have found a GREAT place with lots of experience, strength, and hope (ES&H) from folks who have been where you are now, or are where you are now.
With that being said:
Our household is relatively alcohol free ( I might drink a beer two or three times a year) and definitely drug free. So I know that our home is just as good as sober living.
No, your home is not 'just as good as sober living.'
A sober living house, is a community of other SOBER and CLEAN folks, relearning how to live without drugs and alcohol. This is how MOST of us A (yes I am one of those, along with being a co dependent). It is more than just an alcohol and drug free hosue.
An A learns from THIER PEERS. Yes, they have 'rules and regulations' that must be followed. They have chores to do, which they see their fellow housemates doing. They have 'in house meetings' to discuss the 'temperment of the house', 'the atmosphere of the house' and clear up misunderstandings between residents. They also have a set number of meetings to attend.
As they follow the 'rules and regulations' they get more 'privileges' ie later curfew, weekend passes, etc until they have re acclimated into society.
And all of this is coming from folks just like themselves, NOT from parents like they are again a child.
I understand how much you love your daughter! However, I have been sober over 31 years and in Alanon for over 28 years to work on my co dependency and keep my 'tools' current. In all this time, I personally have not seen even One Case where an A coming out of rehab and going back to 'mommy and daddy' has NOT worked.
Sorry, as I know you do not want to hear that. A sober living environment for your daughter, will certainly allow you lots and lots of contact with her. However, she will not be in your home, you will NOT end up feeling like her WARDEN (and trust me you will). You will NOT have to enforce 'the contract'.
However, should you choose to go ahead and have her move back home 'the contract' can be very simple, but will only work if you are TRULY READY to enforce THE CONSEQUENCES should 'the contract' be broken.
"I _________________________ hereby agree to the following terms and conditions of me moving into my parents home.
I will NOT use drugs, alcohol, or any mind altering chemicals. I will not said drugs, alcohol, and any mind altering chemicals into this home.
I will contribute to the operation and continued serenity of this home. I will do chores, I will pay rent upon getting a job.
I will give my parents respect at all times. I will not rant, rave, threaten, or scream at them ever.
I will continue to work on my recovery 24/7 and comply with all aspects of 'aftercare' that have been suggested by my therapist, including any and all meetings required."
That should just about cover it. Now the difference in her living with you and living in a Sober Living Environment in addition to what I said earlier, is that it won't be 'mommy and daddy' enforcing something she does not like. It will be a GROUP OF HER PEERS at a 'house meeting.'
Then when she calls complaining about a room mate, or something else going on in the house, you can say "that's nice dear, I am glad you are learning how to deal with life on life's terms.' then go on to another subject, ie 'would you like to meet for lunch on
____insert day here____.
The stress of her living in your home versus her living in a SLE cannot be compared. Sure there will still be some worry and fretting on your part, but you will NOT be THE ENFORCER. Your house will remain calm and peaceful and hopefully serene. Yet you will have as an option as much or as little contact as you choose.
Your daughter needs to FOCUS very heavily on her recovery, and that is best done, not in the parents home which can be very distracting, having that close a relationship (day in day out 24/7 contact) so early in recovery. Being in a SLE will give her the opportunity to do just that, FOCUS on her recover, and discuss her 'feelings, confusion, her anxieties' etc with others who have recently gone through or are going through the same things. And they will understand because they too are addicts. Certainly better, than a non addict or parent could.
J M H O
Again, welcome to SR!
Love and hugs,