Notmyrealname

To me it sounds like you are still equating being drunk with having a good time. And I think that's pretty common for people like us, at least early in recovery. But perhaps a more productive point of view is that being drunk is risky behavior that's bad for your body and bad for your spirit as well, as it erodes your self-esteem to be drinking when you've already concluded that to do so is irresponsible and unwise.

Life is a good thing on its own, not something that's generally bad for long stretches, only improving when it is broken up by relatively brief periods of intoxication. Part of staying sober is growing past the "I live to drink" mentality that dominates our drinking years. Behavior reflects values and attitudes.. Getting sober is a change in behavior, i.e., you are no longer drinking. But staying sober requires a change in values and attitudes, because willpower only gets you so far (this is in part I think why AA is so successful; a lot of what goes on in the Twelve Steps goes directly to values and day-to-day outlook.)

Sorry, I digress, thinking out loud again. Anyway, it does get a lot easier to accept over time..

For today, come up with a plan for your holiday, treat yourself to decadent things that aren't alcohol (like ice cream, barbecued meats, relaxation, the amusement park--whatever will make you feel like you had a special holiday day today). If you are twelve days in already, you have already demonstrated the will and ability to succeed.